Things you never knew...

Yes, firstly, I just wanna give all Praise, all Glory, and Honor to my LORD JESUS CHRIST! For without HIM, I wouldn’t be here today, and certainly wouldn’t be able to do anything without HIM!

Even at this time, I still remember what Pastor Nick Resce prophesied on me at e03, 2003. “ Bernard, you are goinna travel to other nations and be an influence to many, and people will know your GOD. But you need to keep your heard in obedience”

These three months has been one of the most struggling journey for me, both mentally and also spiritually. The amount of prayer involved, seeking Him, and asking for direction was really intense. Asking for God to be in control of it all. Dealing with Mum, dealing with what other thoughts, dealing with MTV, and KPMG, my current work, my thoughts, hers, and also what seemed wise in men’s eyes ..

MY CELL –SHEEP UNITED has been great, always being there for me, praying with me, I just wanna tell you guys that you guys mean a lot to me! Thank YOU so much!

Well, here is the thing. After knowing that I was chosen as one of the TOP 5 of the Malaysian MTV VJ Hunt Finalist. Mum wasn’t really happy, the perfect nightmare has just began for her. She began to worry that if I were to win it the fear of her son, giving up the things she built, and in her eyes, a perfect job.
She didn’t want me to win it, coz she was never thought good bout the whole entertainment business, and she sure dunt want me to get in… (even for the shortest time)
Well, no matter how much you and I disagree with her about this whole thing… I understand!

So, I began talking to her, of how I saw things and all. The struggle began.
Why LORD, let her see that it’s a great opportunity to Glorify YOU!
Let her see too, that MTV is pivotal point of young people of this generation. Let her see too that How THIS CAN GLORIFY YOUR NAME!
Lord, let her see.

After weeks of praying bout it..began talking to Pastor bout it.. and lots of people bout it.. different answers came..different opinions came.
After weeks again, we ended up always rubbing on each others feet about the whole issues, voices were raised, sometimes it always ended up not achieving anything.
Words of disappointments were uttered. Frustrations that she couldn’t see my point, and me not being to see hers as well.
It was dreadful. BUT it was meaningful to me at least.

“ I love you mum, that’s why Im calling and telling you bout this, and its just so HARD, because I know you LOVE me more than anything one, besides God. And its only because I honor God, and I honor you…… and I want to obey you at the end of the day, coz that’s what GOD requires of us. But I need you to see it from my point of view PLEAAASEE, before making this judgement coz it really means sumthing to me.”

Mum allowed me to join the finals.
I signed the contract.
But she still didn’t want me to join MTV. Even if I win, she wanted me to reject the contract.

One and a half month passed. Still praying!
And one day when I was listening to AMAZING by Youth Alive (Adore)! I broke down and wept! The Lord spoke.
“Son, what is it that you want out of all of this?”
“I want this to Glorify Your name!!”
”we get this generation Lord, imagine how you can be evident in their lives LORD, Look at how an influence we can be to this generation..it would speak awesomely of Your name!!”
“that’s very good son! Very good….but…but wHat about obeying ur mum? WOULDNT IT SPEAK VOLUME AS WELL?”
That night was one of the nights that ill remember for the rest of my life.
I chose to surrender “my plans” all to HIM,
“Lord, you take control LORD, YOU DO WHAT IS BEST, and WHATEVER THAT BRINGS FORTH MOST GLORY TO YOU LORD.. I SURRENDER IT TO YOU”

I DECIDED ON THAT NIGHT THAT ID OBEY MUM.

The whole 2 weeks was one of the most difficult time ever! All the breaking of what I thought would be best, “my idea” all … in pieces, the potter came!

The finals was around the corner. I was ready, I was preparing to reject MTV even if I won it. Much to my pain, but I decided that I wanna fear God more than men.
I was dead focused.

But then, I found out something.
I made a mistake. I failed to see one of the terms of the contract that binds me with MTV for 3 months should I win the contest on the spot! When I found out..it was already too late. My mistake.
But you might be asking,wats the big deal anyway? But the issue is …mum thought that the 3 months contract would destroy me!
So I told mum, she for the first time, she really began to panick, and it didn’t help me solbe any problems, I was soo busy trying to settle her down.. and never did we talk bout the issue that I was facing, I don’t want to disobey mum and do this.
THE CHALLENGE WAS ON!

Two nights before the finals. Couz night.
Mum called, “BERNARD, GO TO THE FINALS, BUT DUNT DO YOUR BEST!”
So that you wont win, and you wont be tied by them!
I asked, “what happens if I dunt do my best and still win it?”
“Don’t think like that son! Just dunt do your best and then, you wont win it!” she snapped.

It was difficult for me. One of my principles is always do your best in everything that your hands find to do. And Her telling me not to do my best in this was really a struggle. She thought that the fact that it was sin, so doing this not full heartedly would be allrite. But it wasn’t sin to me!! It certainly wasn’t.
BUT THE FACT THAT she was mum. Prayed bout it, talked to James, Pastor Lindy bout it. And I decided that, no matter how irrational mum’s request is.

But I said ,
LORD, I dunno what in the world MUM is thinking, BUT LORD, BECAUSE I Love you! And I love MUM, I choose LORD to trust in you, and I knw Lord that you honor that! And it was a difficult time…it was REALLY difficult, all the breaking of myself..
All breaking…

It was good. It made me soo humble..so broken.
But deep inside, I knew that its in good hands. Coz He is always good! Amen.

So here comes the finals!
Continue tomorrow … daddy is here, and we are going for dinner! Yay!!

thriller eyy??